Shoan, the Elevate PM (EPM) director, came up and had a word for me tonight in worship that God says I get to have a "do-over." Without knowing my testimony, he said he just senses that there are places where I feel like my sin was too much for God, or that I didn't perform well enough for God. He said that God doesn't expect me to "do better." But that as I live in him and abide in him, I will be transformed and break out of the bondage of sin. And not of my own doing, but b/c of sheer submission of my life to God. He then prayed that over me and just broke off the spirit of performance/expectation and not feeling like I measure up or that I've ruined anything. Which is huge for me as a perfectionist, that even in my faith I feel like I am never on par or that there's a lot of pressure to be a certain way to be accepted.
I just want to record these words that people have for me as I go so I don't forget them and so that I can look back on them later and realize where the Lord has taken me, and maybe even answer that oh so familiar question of "WHY?"